Being a publisher in the US, it seemed odd I would ever be in the amazing position I’ve found myself in: being able to publish a new, never before discovered manuscript detailing the adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson. While other manuscripts have slowly come to light in the years since the death of Arthur Conan-Doyle, most have (understandably) been found in the United Kingdom.
Most of these documents have had a very obvious reason for their lack of publication, and this one is no different. One can only imagine Conan-Doyle squirming in his seat as his publisher turned the pages on this manuscript watching their face grow more and more confused.
Our journey to finding this manuscript starts exactly where you’d think it would considering Arcbeatle Press’
history: with getting obscure licenses.
We were emailing back and forth with someone, trying to get the rights to an obscure 1980’s character who featured in a single reference in a short story on the back of a Cereal Box that was only distributed in a single Manchester grocery store for three days before being pulled from shelves for botulism contamination. Many people on the internet were certain that this incredible get would be our ticket to fame and fortune, and several demanded our complete exclusion from any database of publishers due to the sheer reckless greed of it all. I had reached the point in the evening where I stared up at the ceiling and wondered how I even know
about this cereal box character and why I did this for my career (7:46 PM, EST), when I saw I’d gotten a new email.
I shot up, and clicked on it.
Subject: Lost Manuscript (?)
I braced myself in case the letter was yet another one detailing exactly what Satan would do to me for writing a new story featuring Bix Wedge: Star Hero, instead of letting the person writing the email write it. But I was surprised to find it was something else:
“Dear Mx. Wylder,
As the proprietor of Arcbeatle Press, I have heard you have helped to preserve many important works that no one cares about beyond a small group of passionate fans who wouldn’t be enough to operate a coffee shop if you put them in one room.”
Rude, but I’d hear them out.
“This is of course, as everyone on the internet knows, the true path to riches and fortune. So I know you will be disappointed to hear that I have a long lost manuscript for one of the most popular characters in the history of literature.
If you would hear me out, perhaps you could deign to give me a little of your time on this topic.
Heirum P. Moneybags, collector.”
I paused, and blinked, and replied:
“Actually I am very interested in a very popular thing.
I’d be more than willing to help.”
In reply, I was sent a date, and a series of coordinates, which when entered into Google Maps, told me was a parking garage in Rosemont, Illinois. Sure, I guess.
I drove there, leaving several hours early to account for construction, and then had to decide whether or not preserving history was actually worthwhile because the Parking Garage had a Ten-Dollar minimum charge just for parking. With a sigh, I decided I’d already driven three hours to get here so I might as well suck it up, and parked. As I
slipped out of my car, I heard someone call from the other side of the garage.
“You Wylder?”
I walked to the center of the garage and stared my compatriot off. “Maybe I am.”
“Well maybe I have something for you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Well maybe I’d like to see it.”
“Yeah?’
“Yeah.”
The figure paused, and then shuffled around for a minute. “Okay, but are you actually Wyder? I have trouble reading these scenarios.”
“Oh, sorry, yeah its me!”
“Great,” they pulled a gun.
“Okay, that’s really not necessary.”
“Anything is necessary in the hardcore world of licensing forgotten properties and characters for a niche fiction market.”
I grimaced. He was right, I couldn’t argue with that.
“What’s this about? I was told this was popular?”
He laughed, “What, you think this is some world renown thing that will immediately make people interested in buying it? As if. We don’t do small time stuff like that. No, this one is unique, because we’re about to reveal a secret to the world.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“….”
“……”
“Okay but seriously what is going on?’
“Sorry, okay so… listen, yes, this is a popular document, but… it can’t see the light of day. It turns out it actually has the first appearance of a character who was previously thought to only have appeared on a cereal box.”
I narrowed my eyes. “…You don’t mean… It couldn’t possibly be… a character who appeared on a cereal box only distributed to three grocery stores in Manchester?”
He grinned wide, his eyes wild. “Just the same. Nations would kill for this.” He threw aside a useless briefcase of certificates of shares in Apple, and the ownership of several Marvel characters, and held up a manilla folder. “In here, in here is real power.”
I knew one thing for certain.
I couldn’t let him get his hands on it.
“You know as well as I that only one of us is—”
A Prius came up the ramp into the garage and we both moved out of the way as the driver slowly drove past us.
Creeping by. The driver waved to us both in gratitude and we waved back. Then we got back into position.
“…Sorry where was I?”
“You were about to threaten me?”
“Right…” I stood there awkwardly. “Honestly I’ve sort of lost the vibe, want to just do this?”
He nodded, “Sounds good to me.”
Three hours later I drove away from Rosemont, the flames blazing in my rearview mirror, and the manilla folder on my passenger seat.
Finally, I got home, opened it up, and realized that it was one of those manilla folders that only had one side that kept the paper in it, and it had dropped off somewhere. I drove three hours back, and slid under the police tapelines to search. After finding nothing, I went back to my car and found it had just slid under the seat. Wacky times!
Anyway, after another three hour drive I started reading the document, and immediately called my former vice-president.
“You have to read this, this is incredible, we really found the holy grail here?”
There was a long pause, “You do realize I don’t work for you anymore and this is an international call—”
“Listen—listen this changes everything though.”
She scoffed, “What, did you find something pointless like the rights to The Lord of the Rings?”
“No, something that matters. I found out the truth. A character from the back of a cereal box in the 1980’s or something? They’re actually public domain.”
There was a long pause. “I’ll get on the next flight.”
After that she flew right back because we didn’t actually have anything to talk about that we couldn’t do over chat, but it was a very exciting day.
And now, after our hard work, you can now enjoy a lost work that hasn’t been seen for over a century. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did in transcribing it.
I’d like to thank the most important contributor to this book: French press coffee. You were there for me when no one else was.
XOXO
James Wylder
Arcbeatle Somethingerather
battle...”